Slasher Dude

It’s hard to keep up with Zane’s fingernails. Even harder when he chooses to use the slightest bit of nail growth to gouge out a hunk of skin around the bridge of his nose. He’s been doing this his whole life (doesn’t that sound dramatic?). Maybe there’s an itchy spot under the skin or something. Other “tics” that he has, if you can call them that, include playing with his hair while drinking milk and playing with his eyeballs while drinking milk when he’s tired. That last one drives me crazy. Gouge your skin, pull your hair, but DON’T POP YOUR EYES OUT. Dad forbids it, no eye popping in this family.

While we’re on crazy baby traits let’s cover eating. Zane is more like me when it comes to eating: something that has to be done … are we done yet? If feeding Zane was a conversation it would go like this.

“Here’s a nice pile/spoon/glop of food baby Zane.”

what’s in it for me?

“You’ll grow up strong, smart, and healthy.”

no, i mean right now

“Well, it tastes good and it makes your tummy happy.”

going to need something more, got any new gadgets

“Here’s a funny little pink plastic pyramid, you’ve always liked that.”

naw, old news, what else

“How about this clever piano xylophone, fun, noisy, and musical.”

next

“My iPod?"

that’s the ticket

At which point you can shovel an entire yogurt, avocado slice, bread, chicken and whatever else is nearby into his mouth, trying to be careful not to over do it in your blind rush to get food in while he’s pre-occupied.

The iPod you might remember from last year. It holds all of the Zane’s photos, movies, is used to watch the baby webcam, surf the web while waiting for baby to sleep, and of course listen to music from time to time. It has one prominent button on the front and a touch screen. I got a couple little “kid” type applications for Zane to play with including Bubbles. Fun for a second but Zane would rather explore the system, pressing the buttons and whacking the virtual on-screen buttons trying to delete applications.

Being the clever father figure I locked the screen. He can press the button and see a picture of himself, but in order to get into the main screen and mess around he has to unlock it. To unlock there’s a large slider on the screen: no physical button, you have to touch the slider on one side of the screen and slide the finger/slider straight across to the other side, a couple inches total. This seemed to hold him for a few minutes until I made the mistake of showing him once, quickly how it is done. Within two minutes he was back inside messing with the applications.