Action Pajamas

Zane has a lot of clothes from friends and relatives, both new and hand-me-downs. This includes pajamas but, oddly enough, next to nothing in the 12+ month size. There’s a bunch of 9-12 month PJs along with 18 month and older, but nothing for the six months in between. No biggie, we’ll just head down to the store and pick some up. No luck. There’s a selection of newborn to nine months like you wouldn’t believe and then nothing until 18 months and toddler stages. Zane and I even went to the local used clothing store, only to find the same selection albeit somewhat threadbare.

I’m starting to wonder if people ship their twelve month old babies to the Grandparents for half a year, where they spend idyllic days on Florida beaches, sleeping nights away au naturale in gently swaying hammocks below the soft cooing of night birds.

And then we discovered the more horrifying truth: most of the 18 month pajamas fit. Is the baby growing beyond expectations or are the manufacturers hopelessly hedging? I suspect the later. Imagine if you bought your clothes based on age, each year going out and getting a new wardrobe. Some of the baby clothes include weight ranges but none mention height, a seemingly important metric for a onesy. Some have ranges, i.e. 6-9 mos, while others have a single date like 12 months leaving you to wonder if that means “up to” or “from then on” or “keep on trying, keep on buying.”

We’ve hung out with dozens of babies over the past year and there’s no way age can be a determining factor in clothing size. There are babies three months younger than Zane which outweigh and/or out-height (??) him. We need a better metric. Weight is pretty good, and might be perfect if the clothes had vertical elasticity. Volumetric sizing has a nice ring to it, but parents are too busy to try measuring the displacement of bath water.

Scientists have been perfecting 3D printers, where you feed in a drawing and out comes a solid model. It would seem that kid clothing would be the first true frontier for this developing technology: feed in a recent set of baby pictures and out pops a stylish polyester baby jumper. How hard could it be?

Among Zane’s birthday gifts the other day was a hidden surprise. Our friend Zandy sent along two pair of shoes: nice looking and comfy fitting. Only yesterday when getting Zane dressed for the day did I finally understand why they call the company Kid Squeakers … the soles of the shoes SQUEAK with each step! I thought they might be an elaborate gag gift, until I read the FAQ:

Q: How do squeaker shoes encourage my child to walk?

A: Each time your little one takes a step they will be rewarded and motivated with a fun squeaking sound. This squeaking increases body awareness and entices your child to take their next step. Our squeaking shoes have flexible soles and synthetic bottoms that offer traction to provide sure footing.

Just as importantly:

Q: Is it possible to disable the squeaker?

A: Yes. All you need to do is use a small pointy instrument such as a fork tine to bend the reed inside the squeaker located in the heal of the sole. If you are bothered by the squeaking noise of both shoes try disabling just one of the squeakers.

Zane squeak-steps around the family room with renewed sense of purpose and seems to have grown another inch in the process. Thanks Zandy. I’ll post a picture soon but for now back to the action ‘jamas!